Attraction
by Rei Sabere
Summary: You can't force attraction. Sometimes it just grows on you, or it never does.


_**Hello everyone! I've finally decided to make a new fic, a oneshot about La Corda d'Oro again! It's been some time since I have written, but I really felt that my next story had to be for this fandom. Though, I warn you guys to those who haven't read the manga that much, that this includes some spoilers. :P Anyway, this is my third LCDO story, when you've finished this and liked it, I advise you guys to read my other stories, I Win and Promenade. Anyway, I'll stop blabbing now and let the story speak for itself. Enjoy! :)  
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_My heart was broken. I felt despair. I felt sadness to the point that I was numb. I didn't know what to do. I thought I wouldn't make it through. Every passing day felt useless. I felt I had no purpose. I had no inspiration. I had no will to live. All because he broke my heart._

_The memories were so vivid. I remember the good times. I remember how I easily fell in love with him. _

"So, how are you?" a voice said as the person owning the voice entered the practice room.

My arms and fingers stiffened. Sometimes that question really doesn't help. "How are you?"-it usually shows concern and serves as a greeting; but when one isn't really all that well, how can you actually answer that question?

I faked a smile. "Oh, hi." I stared at him for a while and he just stared back. I was sure he understood that I wasn't at all feeling fine.

"So… what were you playing before I came in? I'm sorry if I disturbed your practice," he said, trying to lighten up the mood.

"The Prayer. I was trying to learn a new religious piece. It has a great melody and it just captivated me after I heard it last night," I said, making another fake smile.

He entered the room and closed the door. "Listen, Hino… why don't you play Ave Maria for me?"

My bow fell from my grip. I didn't expect him to say that. I looked down so that my hair would block my face. "I don't really think that's a good idea."

I felt him going closer. "Hino… stop pretending you're okay."

I turned away from him. "No, I'm fine."

He suddenly hugged me from behind. "It's okay. You can tell me. I'm here for you."

Tears began to fall from my eyes. It reached my cheek, it reached my neck. I couldn't stop crying. After a while, I turned back to him, with an ugly face filled with sorrow.

"…I can't believe he's actually gone!" I said and hugged him. I burrowed in his chest and cried louder. "I know it had to happen, but it's just so hard to see him go! I mean, I don't wanna cry… I know he'd hate to know that I cried for him but…but!"

"It's okay. Let it out. Let it all out. You just can't keep those feelings to yourself."

I felt him hug me even tighter. It felt warm and right, but I knew it was selfish for me to cry on him. I broke the hug.

"Thank you. And sorry. I know I shouldn't keep these feeling cooped up, although, I know I shouldn't be laying my problems to you."

"It's okay. We're friends. That's what friends do. We care for each other. We serve as shoulders to cry on. You need me right now and I'm here for you."

With those words, I knew that I really could count on him. That was also the moment that my heart started to open up to him.

_We had great times together. We eventually dated and did everything together. He waited for me every day, and he treated me whenever he could. He dealt with my crazy antics and he was always there for me. We talked for hours even if what we were talking about didn't make sense. We would sometimes fight, but it would be resolved eventually. We usually wouldn't talk about our fights and issues, but it always ended up with the both of us wanting each other's company. We were different. Totally different. But in a way, our relationship worked. I was the aggressive one yet I wasn't really vocal with my emotions anyway so it still matched his passive character. _

_At least that was what I thought._

_We eventually grew apart when he started to become confused of what he wanted with his life._

"Listen Hino…I think I want to change my career."

It came out of nowhere. I didn't expect that. "What?"

"It's just that… I feel that I don't enjoy what I'm doing anymore. I may be good at what I do, but I'm not sure if it's what I really want to do. I think I want to do something else with my life. I want to venture somewhere else to realize what I really want in life."

My heart skipped a beat and my stomach churned. Not again. This wasn't happening again. I felt that someone dear to me will leave me once more.

…but I had to remain strong for him.

"Well if that's what you feel, then I'll just support you."

He smiled at me yet it felt different. I know he was happy that I supported him, but his emotion was lacking. It felt somewhat fake. At that moment, I felt that he was somehow distancing himself from me.

_And I was right that it was just the beginning. _

_He shifted to a different course and things began to change drastically. From the man who I saw and talked to everyday… it would be lucky enough for me to see him from afar in a day. He didn't make an effort anymore to see me. He wouldn't even tell me what was happening with him. And when I was the one trying to reconnect with him, I'd feel like a stranger when I'm with him. He changed. He may be a passive person but he **was** open with me. He **was****. **But that changed. I knew he wasn't the best speaker and didn't really feel comfortable talking about emotions, so things just went downhill with words unsaid. _

_Where was the guy who comforted me from the very beginning? The man I fell in love with? The man who made every moment I spent with him worthwhile? It didn't matter what we were talking about. It didn't matter where we were. It didn't matter if we were actually doing something. Before, being with each other was enough. _

_But things change. People change. Especially when they prioritize something more than you. He thought about his career so he got to flourish his career. And he got to improve on a different path… with someone else._

"Hino… are you okay?" a new friend of mine asked as we were out eating lunch.

I was spacing out a bit, but the sound of her voice made me realize that she was asking me something. "Huh? You were saying something?"

"I asked if you're okay. You're just looking out of the window, staring at nothing."

"Oh. It's nothing. It just seems like a nice day," I lied.

"Okay. If you say so. Anyway, as I was saying... I met a guy at school. He's a real gentleman and really funny. He just makes me really happy despite all the problems happening in my life."

"That's good. Focus yourself on positive energy like that guy. So… who is he? Do I get to meet him?" I tried to cheer her on even though I wasn't really that happy for her. I envied how things were going so well for someone who doesn't even know what to do with her life; yet I'm here, sure of my career, but so messed up just because of one person.

"He's coming here, remember? Oh look! Here he comes right now!" she said as she pointed towards the man by the door.

I froze. It was such a familiar face, but he felt like a stranger. He didn't try to pretend that we already knew each other but he made it seem that nothing happened between us at all. He made it seem that we were friends, nothing more.

So I just went with it. What would I do? Snap at him? Be angry?

Well, I was. I am. But I didn't want to look pathetic. I valued my pride. I wasn't going to show to him that I was hurt. Not after what he did. That would just let him win.

But still…of all the people… why him? There are tons of other guys in the world. But it just had to be him.

I mean, I should have known, I know that they study at the same school and have the same course and both were having identity crises on what they would do in life… so it wasn't weird that they found each other.

But seriously, with things unresolved, it would have been better for us to never cross paths. But that didn't happen. This had to happen. And that meant I was going to see more of him. Not what I quite wanted to happen…

_Thinking about it, they were perfect for each other. When I met them, things were only developing between them. They eventually became serious and dated. But not like us. Not like how we were. He changed when we "broke up" and he was still changing when he got together with her. _

_He did things that he never did with me. I don't want to get in the details, but let's just say that he seemed like a different person when he was with her. He improved as a person as he found himself and found her. There's this saying that "People shouldn't fall in love. They should rise in love." I guess it means that when one is in love they become better. And as much as it was hard to admit, he was definitely turning into a better man. I knew I had nothing else to do but accept it. _

_But it was so hard. _

_I have experienced this before. I have been left by someone I loved before. And this time, I'm not even sure if I can make it through this time. Too much pain, and no one else there for me. _

And then unexpectedly, I read from a newspaper that he's coming back.

**Tsukimori Len, World Renowned Violinist Coming Back to Japan!**

My heart skipped a beat. But why? Did that mean that I still love him? But… I got over him.

He left me and he caused me so much sorrow, but I got over him with the help of **Ryou**. Now that he's coming back, I shouldn't really think about it that much… right?

But I can't forget the promise I told him. _"Because I don't want to lose you, I will continue to work hard over here."_

Thinking about my "break-up" with Ryou… I haven't really practiced that much. Well, it's not like I stopped playing the violin. I will always love playing it. That's why I didn't stop... right?

But that talk with Ryou… With music having no future. It being an unstable course if you're not that good enough… It just proved that he was a coward. He was really good. Ryou could actually make it far… But he didn't believe in himself. That's why he decided to change his course.

But I didn't believe his view. I believed and still believe that I made the right choice of sticking with the violin. He may have never told me to shift with him, but I know that he wanted me to quit. He may have never told me but I know it pained him to see me cling on to the violin. It was hard for him to know that we weren't seeing eye to eye. It was hard for him to see that I kinda chose the violin over him. Seeing that I valued the instrument… of his biggest rival so much…

Tsukimori-kun has always been my idol. Even when Ryou and I were together, I would search about him in the internet and read about his concerts. I even asked Ryou before if we could watch him live when he was at Singapore. I was really saving money to go see him live after all this time.

I guess it explains why he got a bit annoyed at me. But he swallowed his pride and became the bigger man. He never brought up that instance, but I'm sure it affected him greatly. That's why I never said his name in front of him ever again.

But… I wanted to. I didn't stop thinking of Tsukimori-kun even if I knew Ryou didn't want to hear more from him. I kept searching about Tsukimori-kun in private. And as much as it wasn't cheating… I wasn't all honest with Ryou.

I deserve what I got. I deserve being left alone. Ryou supported me, stood by me all along. He gave me all he could but it just wasn't enough for me. I think I didn't even really love him. I liked him because he was always there for me. He made me feel special. But I guess it's the feeling I miss that's why I'm depressed. The feeling he gave me whenever he was there. It was the feeling I fell in love with. It's not the person. So that's not love.

At first, I was thinking that you can't force attraction. Sometimes it just grows on you, or it never does. Ryou grew close to me, so I really thought it was attraction. That it was right. But I was wrong when I said that. Attraction can grow, and it grows deeper to love. However, I think he isn't someone I really loved in the first place. Before, I was even thinking at the back of my head, that I'm not even attracted to him no matter what he does. I guess the routine of being with him made the illusion that I was in love. But I was always looking at another even if I were with him.

All this time I have been chasing his footsteps, and ever since then I have been chasing after him. From now on I always will.

Tsukimori-kun might not like me. We haven't seen each other for ages. But the mere fact that I promised to become better to him, inspires me. Even as a friend, he inspires me to work. And that's enough for me right now. I mustn't let him down.

_He came back to Japan a week from my realization, and in a week's preparation, I did nothing but practice. I knew it wouldn't take back all the lost time I had from worrying over Ryou, but it was all I could do. I didn't want to disappoint Tsukimori-kun. I wanted to be a girl he was proud of. He was too accomplished, too successful, too hard to reach. I know I could never be at par, but I must at least try. At least, I want to show him that I've improved so much. That I've improved not only for myself, for everybody who believes in me, for the love of the violin…but also for him. _ _I guess it's true that people say you don't fall in love. You should rise in love. That's how you love rationally._

_My love for Tsukimori-kun never faded. He inspires me up to now, and I'm sure that I love him. He doesn't really need to love me back. At least, not right now. I feel that I am unworthy of him. He is just way too up there, and I have so much to catch up to. So I would just work my best for him to accept me. That someday… somehow… he loves how I play the violin._

His plane landed and I was there in the airport to see him. However, with so many people waiting for his arrival in the airport, I was a mere speck in a vast sea.

It also didn't put my hopes up that it said in the news that the hotel he was staying in was secret to the public. I sighed from disappointment. I really wanted to see him.

I made my way back home by car and rang the doorbell. It took awhile for the door to open, but when it did, I was totally surprised on who I saw.

"Tsukimori-kun!" I said in astonishment then I gaped at him.

"Hello there, Hino," he gave a small smile. It was cute. It wasn't everyday you see Tsukimori Len smile.

"Why are you here? It said in the news that you'd be going to your hotel which its location wasn't disclosed to the public."

"Well, I decided to see you first. I can't believe that I reached your home before you. Your mom told me that you went to the airport to see me?"

"Yeah. I thought I wouldn't even see you. It's great that you're actually here. I didn't expect you to look for me, though," I said, blushing. I can't believe this. Tsukimori-kun is finally in my house. I've dreamt of this moment so many times, but I can't believe this is actually true.

"So, would you play for me? You're still playing the violin? You promised to become better for me, right?"

I chuckled. "Don't get all cocky. I wanted to become better for myself. I love the violin so much that I would never stop playing."

I couldn't tell him that was right. Of course what I said was true, but I still didn't have the strength to admit to him how I feel. Not yet. I still haven't proven my worth.

I then directed him to my room and took my violin out of its case to play him a piece I've been working on for ages to perfect and show him. "This is Vocalise, by Rachmaninoff," I said and started to play.

The notes sang in my head and I poured out all my emotion in that one performance. I made my touch and tones as consistent and as whole as I could. Music isn't only about playing the notes. It's about sounding the notes in beautiful tones that would captivate the listeners.

I savored the dynamics of the piece. The sudden spurs of pianos and fortes, I did my best to make it striking yet sweet. I made the piece as cantabile as I could. It was a song I was offering to him, and I wished that it reached him ultimately.

As I did my best to play up to the last note, I was ultimately happy with what I presented to him. I was closing my eyes the whole time, thinking of the image and emotions I wanted to portray to him.

After playing, I opened my eyes, took a deep breath and smiled. "So… what do you think?"

Len who was initially seated in my bed, stood up and ran to me. He then hugged me. "You did great. Wholehearted, straightforward. That kind of you attracted me profoundly. I'm glad to be coming home to the same girl I fell in love with."

_And with that hug and those words, I knew that I was finally where I belong. My efforts have paid off, and I got the biggest reward of them all. The reward of love._

_**~To be successful and happy, you don't necessarily have to be talented. Be determined.~**_

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_**A/N: Tada! Just a short fic, but loads of emotions, right? Thought it would be filled with angst huh? Well, it was. But I surely didn't end it that way. :) I hope you guys enjoyed it. Sorry if I didn't reveal the name of the guys at the beginning. I just wanted to give some sort of suspense even though it was pretty obvious. **_

_**Also, I know it's late but disclaimer, LCDO isn't mine. Some of the quotes are also from the manga.**_

_**All this time I have been chasing his footsteps, and ever since then I have been chasing after him. From now on I always will.-Hino**_

_**Because I don't want to lose you, I will continue to work hard over here.- Hino**_

_**Wholehearted, straightforward. That kind of you attracted me profoundly.-Len**_

_**But the others are from me. Especially these ones. **_

_**I guess it's true that people say you don't fall in love. You should rise in love. That's how you love rationally.**_

_**You can't force attraction. Sometimes it just grows on you, or it never does.**_

_**To be successful and happy, you don't necessarily have to be talented. Be determined.**_

_**Just wanted to let you know. :P ANYWAY! Please review, okay? I would totally appreciate your reviews! :) Thank you again for reading! :D **_


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